Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
