Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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