so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I touched a dick in church today
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
