you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
