i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
