I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
