Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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