she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
