I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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