my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
