i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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