I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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