Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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