You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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