someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
