If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
