did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
