You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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