So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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