I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
