Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
