i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
should my penis look like a turkey
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
