I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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