AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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