I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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