the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
