Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
