No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
