i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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