what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
