just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
