I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
