I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
