I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
