she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know her cup size but not her name....
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