Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
