we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
