I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
