He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
