So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
