sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
