you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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