i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
