remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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