I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
