I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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