So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
