I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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