Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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