i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i've created a new STD.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
