CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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