My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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