Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
