I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
