Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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