Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize