party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
