i don't like sucking hair
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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