im six kinds of drunk right now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
