Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've blown a few things in my day
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
