How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think my cat just said my name.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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