i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
